After downloading Football Manager handheld for the iPhone I went through a period of stubbornly ignoring it. About two months actually. And then I started. Liverpool would be the first beneficiary of my acumen. They sacked me before October was out. So I tried again. Same result. It would appear my heavy reliance on 3-5-2 attacking wasn’t to the Anfield hierarchy’s liking. So then I tried Southampton, figuring I would get more time to learn in the lower leagues. I made it to November. But to be fair I wasn’t passionate about the team and used it to see how the buying/selling engines would work. Pretty well when you can sell your best players.

And then I had a pop at Newcastle. First season (2009/10) I led the Championship for some months based on my love affair with 3-5-2 and some shrewd free signings in the summer to bolster the squad. My midfield combination of Guthrie and Barton were unbeatable. We were scoring goals for fun with the only major summer capture of Beckford from Leeds. We faded towards the end of the season and scraped into the play offs and then managed to hold out to win promotion at Wemberlee.

Given feeble budgets and low expectations, the squad got a little sprinkling of free signings and trimmed of some dead wood. We finished a credible 15th in the first season in the Premiership (2010/11).

And then I picked up Berbatov and Santa Cruz on free transfers and we scaled the heights to 7th (2011/12).

Unfortunately the next season we bloated the squad on transfers, couldn’t find a settled team and certainly couldn’t find the net. The Toon didn’t win a game until late October. Despite beating Moan Yoo away, we were undone regularly by Hull, Wigan and Fulham to finish a dreadful 16th (2012/13) securing our place in the elite on the penultimate game and finishing with a drab 0-0 at Wolves.

The summer saw the squad slashed, a tighter unit much like the 7th place two seasons ago was what was needed. But 2013/14 saw Newcastle’s budgets bludgeoned by the big boys who would regularly spunk £16m+ every week of the summer while I was looking in the bargain bucket. We made one expensive signing in Zimmerman, a Germany U21 keeper and he certainly stopped the massive leakage of last season but we were fragile. The squad got trimmed but for a while a mid table finish looked promising until February hit and we didn’t win again. 15th. Bugger.

2014/15 saw Zimmerman lured by the cash of Chelski and a £1m replacement in a Swiss lad who was even better. The defence was expensively shored up and a couple of Italian free signings bolstered the midfield and attack. But we got dicked by injuries that regularly saw the team only being able to field four out of seven available subs. Despite the board backing of them being absolutely delighted, I was feeling the pressure. Had I taken the Toon as far as I could? Should I switch to a more conventional 4-4-2? We finished the season 14th and a need to refresh again in the Summer.

2015/16 saw Fernando Torres arrive on a free transfer, some more expensive defenders from France and three season long injuries to key players just as the transfer window closed and then Torres out for two months with hamstrings. After beating Liverpool 2-0 in our opening game we struggled for rhythm. In October I decided a draw against Aston Villa was enough. Dave Jones took over from me, reverted to 4-4-2 and won. And then lost. And is now two places behind where I was. Twat.

I shall try again as the train and tube journeys have been shortened through this imaginary world. I’ve even found myself conducting imaginary press interviews in my head at idle times. I think I shall go with four at the back though as three is just too porous and a defensive 3-5-2 is just dull. My only gripe is that you can’t tinker with the formation to create your own bespoke version. My stats are above, more to follow.

I am a football mananger handheld junkie.

In a detour from FM (mainly because having a 10-month old baby has limited any gameplay), the new season is upon us and I’m in the enviable position of defending not just my crown from our work Telegraph Fantasy Football 2008/9 season (above) but also the winner of the Euro Championship last summer (below). I might use this blog to update on my TFF progress this year. No pressure.

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So Season 1 is underway in the GW 24 beta. Oranjestaad are struggling and returning 11 points from 14 games with 2W, 5D, 7L and -7GD. Hmmm. Why is this and what are we going to do about it?

I think the biggest learning is to spend time picking your own team rather than relying on auto select. While I have a few relaible performers, I have a lot of old stagers. Finishing has been dreadful so a striker is a must. I also found getting to grips with the transfer system a bit arduous and strange. But have finally managed to purchase a player in a wage auction that the bank didn’t veto or I got outbid on. I’m hoping 19 year old German AMC Toni Kroos will make a difference.

Tactically I’m going for a 3-1-4-1-1 formation that served me so well in my former FM lives. However it relies on pace, ball retention, players with a tactically astute mind and high technique and a shit hot striker to bang in the chances. The formation changes to either uber defensive or offensive dependent on the game play in progress but while uber defensive has had some minor successes, uber attacking falls down mainly due to some piss poor attacking options. I have signed an incomprehensibly named Eastern European lad who looks the part but has yet to hit the net.

I’m enjoying the banter with some of the managers in game, some are more vocal than others. I hope they have “mark all as read” function like you get on a blackberry (my god is that a lifesaver) on the competition creation notices though although maybe I need to enter a few more to generate some cash to amend the aforementioned errors.

The game play is terrific though. Incredibly pleased at how quick the game is. Although I seem unable to pause the game and make any subs or tactical decisions and these have to be done on the fly meaning I can’t see the game develop while tinkering away on the tactics board.

But I have to confess I have decided to exit the world of FML. Not because my team is shit. That has nothing to do with it. I enjoy the challenge of tinkering and steadily improving. I’m just feel lost in the unknown team names and player names. It’s not as intuitive as FM to find and then hone some rough diamonds. The endless (103 emails this morning!) stream of random competition entries irritates more than excites. I’d like to stick to the Carling and FA and maybe the other crappy one if I decide to take the helm of a smaller club.

I think ultimately I like my FM to be a solitary pursuit. In my own time and on my own terms. Does this negate me being a team player? I don’t know. All I know is I was hugely excited by the prospect of FML to the point of distraction. And then I just felt a bit flat playing it. Didn’t get the same sense of enjoyment as I have done from FM in former lives.

So, I have just cancelled my subscription and quit from GW24. And now looking at getting FM 2009.

Having a blast beta testing in GW24 – team name is Oranjestaad. Mixed bag of results in the 4 friendlies so far (see above). Some good banter with other managers with the chat feature. Have joined the Morning league. Need to spend time investigating squad profile and creating shortlist – have been given a couple of old farts in the auto select and midfield inept at retaining posession. Fatigue sets in in second half too. Good prep for GW Clough coming up though. Really impressed by the speed of the game though – was worried it would be slow. Invite me for a friendly. The league kicks off in the next day or so I think?

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An unexpected delight having the opportunity to have a thrash at an open beta from next Tuesday 07.10 to stress test the FML system. Client downloaded. The excitement level rises. Looking forward to having a sniff around and seeing what’s what. See you in there?

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Gameworld Clough kicks off on October 28th. The excitement is mounting. I’ll be having a scour through the Clough forum and checking out my fellow managers in due course. Better start working out how to play this thing…

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Blimey, that was quick work. Here it is. The might (or otherwise – time will tell) of Oranjestaad encapsulated in their new club shield. Fear the logo. Any thoughts?

Huge thanks to the guys at FML badges.

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Further to my previous post about not wanting to be aesthetically out-muscled before kick off, today I’ve requested my team badge. I asked the guys at FML badges. I found then on the community \ fan site area of FML and they’ve done some pretty cool badges. Here’s what my wish list was. Looking forward to seeing their creative.

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Finally succeeded in pre-ordering FML after a few false starts and now biding my time before Gameworld Clough kicks off in October 2008. Currently trying to navigate the discussion forums and other player blogs to glean some insight on how to survive and maybe even win a thing or six without taking over Chelsea when things get a bit dull and buying your own youth monkey for £100m giving you a whopping cash injection to spunk on high profile players. Not that I ever did that. OK, once.

But what’s already clear to me is that I need a logo for Oranjestaad FC to compete on aesthetic levels so I’m not over-awed by the artistic among the FML community and psyched out before kick off. I also need to think about kit design. Oh and what my player purchase and tactical strategies will be.

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